She Pondered These Things in Her Heart (Luke 2:51)To Love I Need to Be Loved
A great suffering in marriage is the incapacity to love our spouses as we would like to. My experience has been that, without even realizing it, the mentality of the world tends to creep into my mind, whispering that maybe I am a fool to forgive again and again, to put up with faults and annoying habits. On a recent occasion, I found myself very stuck in front of a pretty typical case of “marital discord”: not feeling appreciated by my husband for all I do for the family. The murmur deafened me: Does it make sense to love as Christ loved? Wouldn’t it be better to use certain words or simply silence to make sure he understands how hurt I feel?
I couldn’t shake this on my own, despite all my effort of praying and talking with friends. I had to wait it out, and beg. Jesus responded to my open heart. He embraced me, as weak and broken and full of doubt as I was. It happened after Mass; it was 9:00AM. I cried and felt my heart soften, the layers of skepticism fall away. The embrace of Christ is the only way to stay in front of my husband with tenderness, more fully aware of the mystery that he is. Words and a good example are not enough. To love truly I need to be loved and forgiven, now. I can’t say that it’s happily ever after, but at least now I know where to go when the clouds roll in.