How the Humble Are Exalted
The acceptance of the saints must, of course, be the same as our Lord’s acceptance of his Passion—something before which he shrank and of which he felt every faintest quiver. If anyone who had to suffer became insensitive and did not feel it, but instead felt a certain smugness in their own ability to suffer, it really would be utterly useless—it would not really be suffering at all…
I’m afraid there is no short cut, and no hope of suffering without feeling it. The only thing to do, so far as I know, is to go on and on repeating this prayer, even if it seems to be a mechanical repetition—“Lord, into your hands”—and then say, “I confide X or myself”— and perhaps it can help to meditate on what you mean by “into your hands”—hands of infinite tenderness, infinite love, absolute power.
There is another thing I have had to learn—and still need to learn far more deeply and lastingly—namely, not to foster bitterness, resentment and dislike…This I have found very hard, but I have realized for very long that so long as these feelings were fermenting in me, I could hardly expect God to answer my prayers.
About that, as about all the rest of it, I made a novena to Blessed Martin de Porres, a most amazing saint, who seems to answer prayers quite irrespectively of how wicked or “unworthy” one is. It is that which encourages me to pray to him, and his answers are truly miraculous.